“How Close Can You Get to Amber On a Harley?” and Other Game Quotes

Several years ago, I ran an RPG website (Jade’s Roleplaying Pages) and one of the most heavily hit pages were those that list funny quotes that happened during game sessions.

Well, I’m bringing that back. Eventually, there’ll be a website and quote pages back up. In the meantime, I’m going to start posting a few game quotes each week. These are actual quotes from real game sessions and I’m breaking them down by game system, ’cause some of them are only funny if you know the system referenced.

So here’s this weeks entries:

General and out of character:

“Roll some dice and dazzle me with your Dex.”

“You know — you’re smarter than most of the characters you play.”

“This is outside of my character’s area. I don’t see anything in this document that allows me to shoot someone.”
–Boyd (Group Leader Kiaarr)

Amber Diceless Roleplaying Game

“How close can you get to Amber on a Harley?”
– Lorien, daughter of Random

“While Dad’s incapacitated, I’m taking the throne. I know I’ll give it back.”
–Lorien, Daughter of Random, speaking to Bleys

“We’ve lost the war. Well, we didn’t lose it; we lost it. It was right here when we left!”
–Lorien, Daughter of Random

Sirian: Rocks stacked up is a pile.”
Alysis: Yes, but rocks stacked up this way is a castle.”
–Lord Sirian of the Ways of Mirrus
–Alysis, daughter of Julian

“There is no Chaos for Dummies.”
–Cheri, GM

Ars Magica

“I know faeries, not vampires. If you want to know twelve ways to annoy a water nixie, I’m your girl.”
–Pleunaria, follower of Merinita

“I think the imp is a bigger problem. The trees can be reasoned with.”
–Master Thibideaux, House Jerbiton

Dungeons and Dragons

Sharra: I don’t even want to know what they summon here.
Gixx: Demons
Sharra: I said I didn’t want to know!
– Sharra, Cleric of Pelor
– Gix, Monk

DM: Again the power of his god protects him!
Tapir: Stupid god powers
– Carey, DM
– Tapir, Ranger

DM: I assume that breakfast is to be Hero’s Feast from now on?
Sharra: The breakfast of campions!
– Carey, DM
– Sharra, Cleric of Pelor

GURPS

“How much is ‘Enemy: God’ worth?”
–Player to GM

Mage: the Ascension

“Do ask the cat for authorization.”
–Jones, NWO

Vampire: the Masquerade

“My apartment is infested with Sabbat!”
–Stephan Thule, Clan Toreador

“He needs to get a personality transplant before he can do that [take over the world].”
–Alexis Dineson, Anarch

“I want to appreciate the artistic merits of a frickin’ shower!”
–Stephan Thule, Clan Toreador

“A weapon? You mean a gun? What am I going to do with a gun — shellac it!?”
–Stephan Thule, Clan Toreador